Very short course of self-defense designed for chickens and people without experience in physical conflicts. Here’s what you do when the force is the only way out:

1. Put your chest upfront! You will give away an impression of a nervous and brave man. In a word, visually confuse the opponent!
2. Stand sideways to the attacker, you will protect your balls (first and foremost) and stomach, second – these are the most sensitive places. This way you will avoid any unpleasant blow to the groin after which, you the victim, can only call your girlfriend for help, from the fetal position.
3. Put your head slightly upfront. You will look like a badass and yell at the attacker (we suggest “What?!”, “Got a problem?!”, “Is something wrong?!” and so on).
4. Back against the wall – so you can’t be attacked from behind, the disadvantage of this method is the lack of much needed retreat.
5. Use arms to defend yourself from his hand attacks, and legs from his kicks. Do not try to do vice versa, because you are needlessly opened.
6. If your pose, voice and stature didn’t afraid the attackers, there’s no way you’ll be getting out without a proper fist fight, so you better attack first cause we all know that attack is the best defense!
7. How to fight? All possible ways. Forget morality and fair play. Key hidden in your hand can replace a dagger, and skilful hands and lady umbrella can become a deadly weapon.
8. A little dirt didn’t hurt anybody (except, hopefully, to whom and what it was intended here). Push your finger into his eye and get an automatic advantage.
9. If the eye is out of reach, or an attacker is wearing sunglasses (or if he is wearing ordinary ones and it doesn’t serve your honor to be in a fight with him at the first place) attack his ears. Best both ears at once.
10. If you already have his ears in your hands, use your head, but – literally. Struck your forehead against his! (he will hurt more, don’t worry).
11. Kick with legs. The fiercest assailant will fall, if you hit the knee or tibia. Your final victory will be ensured with a strong kick in the opponent’s balls.
12. Avoid fist fighting. If you are not practicing karate or boxing, the more likely you will break your own finger, then hurting the abuser.

Good luck!

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